Can Friends with Benefits Work?

I do not want to date right now. In fact, I have made a commitment to myself and to several of my best friends that I will not date someone until my birthday next year.  That means no men to distract me until March 5, 2018.

I am angry at myself for letting this break up take away from my life.  Allowing my hurt feelings and broken heart to stop me from doing the things I had been working so hard to accomplish.  It sounds like I wasted almost 2 years of my life with this man (read my previous post regarding this). After he dumped me I continued to pine over him, give him my energy and my time… ugh. 100% my fault. I have no one to blame for it but me.

Randomly, an ex boyfriend has wondered back into my life.  Great guy, Colt, (he prefers Captain Awesome)  Our sex was mind blowing – literally.  The best, hands down I have ever had.  When we met several years ago we had this magnetic connection.  I had never felt like this about a man before; I was DRAWN to him, literally.  I just felt I wanted to look at him, touch him and be close to him… GAWD, smell him!  Of course, the sex just blossomed with every encounter we had.  He has been working on himself and he does not want a girlfriend right now, either.

DING! The light bulb flashed very brightly in my head when I blurted out the idea of being f*ck buddies; FB for short (not Facebook in this blog!).

I wish I could explain the sound of his voice as he stumbled over his words.  He was never much of a talker and I found great pride in knowing that I could still leave him stumbling for his thoughts.

Of course! Other than being caught of guard, he thought it was a fabulous idea.

We continued our coffee and walk and catching up on each other’s lives.  Yes.  I brought the FB’s up first so that I could get if off my chest.  Only about 50% of the conversation was about our lives and the other half quickly fell into ideas and suggestions about how to make this work.

Having Jordan out of my life the last month was giving me all the time and space I needed to do me. Get my work done and enjoy my home the way I wanted.  Wondering how he was doing was now at a pretty minimal level and my life felt pretty good. I didn’t have to waste my energy on a man who obviously stopped caring about me a long time ago.  I have been productive again and do not want to be distracted on a day to day basis by another possible jerk.

We were both feeling isolated.  Enjoying our alone time, but missing someone to be intimate with.  He did NOT want someone to ‘just’ have sex with.  He likes cuddling and conversations.  I think he was feeling a bit lonely as well.  Being a bit of a recluse at his work and not even having a pet at home, he didn’t get much conversations during the day.

We decided on this:

• Once a week.  We will each look at our schedules and plan a head.  This gives me time to wax and shave and feel like a million bucks when have our encounters.
• Hang out.  Watch a movie, share dinner, talk, listen to music, talk about our week.
• Honest with each other 100%. If things feel bad, weird or anything but good. We talk to the other person.
• PLAY – Explore and be kinky and have fun with each other.

For now, that is it.  Communication is going to be crucial, the trust will build slowly.

I am worried. I am worried that I am going to get attached or open my heart up to getting hurt again. Not with Colt, but to any man,

However, something is different inside me this time.

I remember talking to Jen over the years about her feeling isolation. Her utter disgust at the potential of dating, her care less attitude towards men.  I didn’t get it.  You all know I WANT to find a partner to share my life with.  It is all I have wanted for a very long time.

That feeling is gone.  Maybe it’s just been pushed down into the pit of my soul but the thought of even putting myself out there again makes me cringe.  I don’t want another broken heart.  I don’t want to go on dates and try and impress another guy who doesn’t want the same things that I do.  I am terrified to open up my heat – again – just to risk it being broken again.

I have no idea if this is going to work.  What I do know, is that it feels good. It feels VERY GOOD.  With all the work I have done on myself, I have to go back to that.  To trusting my feelings.  To do the things in life that make me smile and feel GOOD.  Be in the moment. Trust in the moment instead of giving myself anxiety over “What if…?”

What do you guys think? Honestly.  I have talked with a couple of close friends and the responses have been mixed.  I did a lot of research before hand and it does bring up some great conversations.  Can friends with benefits work?

Lacey Lee Elliott