It was about 530pm and I am home for the night; its Friday and I am looking forward to a night alone. No sooner had I put the leftover chili that Colt left me, I got a phone call from a number that I didn’t recognize so I let it go to voicemail. It didn’t take long for my curiosity to get the best of me and as I was eating the first bite of food, I checked the message. It was my neurologist calling to let me know he got the results of my MRI. Not to be too concerned but he wanted me to go to the nearest Emergency Room. I admit I was a bit fuzzy after that and wasn’t really paying attention.
What I heard was that I have tumor. It is most likely not cancerous but it could do some serious damage if I don’t get medication and treatment right away. I needed to see a neurosurgeon as soon as possible and the fastest way to get into a neurosurgeon is to go to the emergency room for a referral. He said he would fax the triage all my paperwork so that it would be there when I got there.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! I am forcing myself to take a few deep breaths and repeat one of Colts favorite sayings in my head, “Slow is smooth and smooth is slow.” Freaking out right now and rushing is not going to help anything right now. My anxiety is starting to set in.
This is the third trip to the ER in less than 8 weeks. I have my book ‘Jab Jab Jab Right Hook’ (thank you Gary Vee) my fully charged iPad, power cord and a small power source. I think that I am freaking out… OK, actually I KNOW that I am freaking out. I take a whole quentipine (instead of my usual half) and put the rest of the bottle in my purse. I got to drive myself to the ER. SIDE NOTE – if it was really an emergency I would have called 911.
I park in the same area that I have parked the last few times that I have been here – so that I won’t get lost on my way out and cause even more anxiety for myself. Grab my purse, pay for 24 hours of parking – just in case – and proceed inside to check into the ER.
I explained to the receptionist my situation; she got my information and I waited for a doctor. As usual, the waiting room is full and I find a seat in the corner. A friend, an old client, is a nurse here and she came to check on me. She offers to sit with me after work; she understands how hard this is to go through alone. I know I have some people in my life that will be here for me… It might not be a boyfriend or lover but I am grateful to have some friends.
It turns out I have meningioma. My understanding from the doctor at this point is that the lump is in the liner of my skull?
“A meningioma is a tumor that forms on membranes that cover the brain and spinal cord just inside the skull. Specifically, the tumor forms on the three layers of membranes that are called meninges.These tumors are often slow-growing. As many as 90% are benign (not cancerous).” Thanks to medmd.com For that definition.
I have been having these ‘episodes’ for about 2 years. It took almost a year before I saw my doctor, who referred to me to the neurologist (that took over a month) and he got me in for more tests. The MRI was originally scheduled for September but got pushed to November 13. That was just 5 days ago… I do feel very well taken care of; Dr. Singh, my neurologist called me on a Friday evening, after his office was closed and stayed until he knew my paperwork had been received!
The neurosurgeon will see me late on Monday afternoon. I am scared. He is going to have to cut into my head and cut out a tumour… That doesn’t sound like my idea of a party at all. And, I am thinking that I have watched too much Greys Anatomy. I am also very relieved… This explains so many of the issues I have been struggling with the last while. It sounds like most people what until symptoms get much worse before getting treatment so I am glad that I went in to see the neurologist when I did.
Having the blood clot will play a part of deciding about surgery. Not so much the blood clot but the blood thinners.
They have prescribed me with DEXAMETHASONE. An anti-inflammatory drug from the cortisone family and is used to relieve inflammation. So for me, inflammation of the liner in my skull. A pretty high dose that ‘may’ cause disturbances in sleep, insomnia and nervousness or anxiety… I am laughing just a little bit while I write this. All I need is more anxiety and sleeples snights.
This is going to be an interesting couple of days, weeks and months. I guess this is why my life is so fascinating… Drama and excitement do seem to follow me. And FUCK YOU Josh for holding this against me – I do not LIKE drama. It is just a part of my life and who I am – and my life is freaking interesting! I have to accept it and love it. Glad that ass is out of my life…
I feel mellow from the quentipine and my heart feels a bit speedy from the dexamethasone… I grabbed a tub of Ben and Jerrys ‘If I had a 1,000, 000 Flavour’ ice cream while I was waiting to get my prescription filled and now I am eating it in bed with Jasper. He is better at cuddling than any man has been in my life.
