I don’t think I will ever know the real reason that he hit me. I don’t want to admit it, who does? By admitting it out loud, it changes things. If I admit that I let someone control me, means that I was not in control of myself. As a strong woman, a woman who lives on my own, pays my own bills and can rely 100% on myself – how could I be so weak to let someone else tell what how stupid I am?
My ex husband cheated on me. Not just with one woman. That might have been easier. Nope, he cheated on me with several women and at least one man. Seeing the emails and the photos and the videos… it hurt. I take part of the responsibility for seeing them. I had a private investigator get into his emails. Note to self and to anyone reading this: If you have to hire a private investigator to check on your husband, you are already in a bad, bad place.
It hurt my soul and shattered my heart. I had given everything good to this man. I sacrificed and loved and supported him. I showed up the best I possibly thought that I could and it was not good enough for him.
I was not good enough.
My self respect was at zero.
I felt like garbage.
So I dated ass holes. The good men I pushed away. Somewhere deep inside I didn’t think I deserved to be treated that way. I had shown up at my best for my husband and it wasn’t enough. I was not worthy of a good man.
It took several years to step back and see what I had become.
It took the biggest asshole of them all to wake me up and admit the hardest thing I had ever had to admit out loud.
I kept quiet because I thought I deserved it.
In his own words “I slapped her upside the head because…”
If I had not been so stupid, he wouldn’t have hit me. If I didn’t act so weird he wouldn’t have to yell at me and call me a cunt.
You know what I mean – because you have been there, too. You have been with a partner who gets mad (really mad) at you when you do something they don’t agree with. Normal conversations go out the window. You get yelled at and told it is all your fault.
He said I was crazy. So I went to therapy. I went to counselling to ‘get better.’ He wasn’t going to go with me. It was my baggage, my problems, all my issues. This had nothing to do with him.
I invited him to come with me and he lost his shit on me. He was not the one with the problem, he yelled. He shouldn’t be dating someone who needed to have a therapist. Their was nothing wrong with him. My actions, me being stupid had made him this way.
He never did anything wrong.
It was never his fault.
I was weird, stupid, a bitch and a cunt.
The idea that a relationship took two people made him laugh! I was the one that was fucked up and I was the one who needed to change.
You know what I am talking about. You know because you have been there, too.
We broke up because I was a crazy bitch. He left because he couldn’t deal with me anymore. My mood swings, my stupidness – me, me and me.
He went on a crazy rant on Facebook and said “I slapped me upside the head because…” is there any reason in the world that one human DESERVES to be hit by another? “Yes, I slapped her because I couldn’t put up with her lies and her cheating!” The first two months we dated he lost his shit because I bought an ex boyfriend an birthday gift. I get it, he didn’t’ like it. It made him feel… ? I don’t know how it made him feel. I was a stupid bitch for doing it and shouldn’t treat him so poorly.
I am pressing assault charges against him.
Do I have any other choice?
He has admitted to slapping me upside the head. FOUR TIMES ON MY FACEBOOK PROFILE and ONCE ON HIS?! Is he proud of what he did Is he looking for other people to congratulate him for doing it? Is he trying to justify his poor behaviour? It seems simple to me. He hit me.
This is no longer a case of ‘he said, she said’ and trying to prove that I am the victim here. With everything going on in the world today – how is it acceptable to ADMIT ON SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM THAT YOU HIT SOMEONE?!
It is much easier to blame someone else. It is very hard to stop and look in the mirror and admit when we fuck up. We are raised in a society to be perfect, don’t make a mistake, make sure you colour within the lines.
I let a man break me down. I stayed with a man who controlled me and made me feel like a crazy bitch for not doing what he told me to do. I did nothing.
I have lied. I have made mistakes. I have made choices in my life that other people don’t agree with. I am a good person with a kind heart and I want to be the best that I can be. I do not want to live a life that is determined by what someone else tells me to do or be.
For those of you out there who have reached out and shared with me THANK YOU. We are not alone. We have to stand up and take a stand. Together we are stronger.
I am not responsible for anyones actions but my own. Neither are you.
Didnt he break up with u? Why do all these men break up with u, if ur so perfect? If he left u , he wasn’t trying to control u, he wanted away from u!
I never said that I was perfect. Ever. If you read my posts and listen to my podcasts you will hear me say it more than once. Every relationship will fail until you find the one that WILL WORK. The one that works for both people. Other relationships ended because we were not compatible. At one point I really wanted children, and my ex Chris did not. Why try and make that work? When ever we got in a fight, Jim always blamed me. In fact, after he broke up with me I posted that relationships take 2 people and he lost his shit and sent me text messages saying (again) that it was all my fault. I was the crazy one – it was me, me me. That is not a good relationship. I went to counselling, I read books and I wanted to talk to him. He refused to go to therapy WITH ME, even after hitting me. He did break up with me. But I asked him to leave me alone. I have copies of text messages that he sent to several people that say “I know Lacey doesn’t want to talk to me but…” He did not leave me alone. When I got my power back and realized that I didn’t need a man like him (read my post on Jan. 24) I had been ignoring him and not letting him push my buttons anymore, he suddenly lost his control over me and it drove him nuts. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and comment.
YOW,
Terrible mis treatment of a very sweet lady. A “man” like that deserves a good beating.
I appreciate your support – but I don’t think that 2 wrongs make a right. But you are right, this is not the behaviour of a real man.
Lacy. I hope that you are doing well.
I just read your story, and l commend you for having the courage to come forward and tell it. It is a very difficult thing to do, and many people do not have that strength for their own personal reasons.
It is a hard thing for someone to admit that it is happening to them, but it happens to more people than we could ever imagine.
Hopefully by you telling your story, you will help other people see their own situations.
I hope you all the best with your future endeavors.
Thank you. It has been a struggle to deal with my emotions around the fact that I picked a guy who could even hit a woman.I appreciate this comment more than I can express.
Good for you to stand up to this. Whether abuse is committed in the past or the present it takes a brave person to confrontvtheir abuser. It also takes bravery to self examine oneself and admit (and embrace) imperfections.
Negative people will always try to undermine your own self-progress. I myself have been attempting to break through my own darkness and walls of self doubt. Some walls we build solely by ourselves, but often there are outside influences and persons who will speed up the wall building. These negative people and events fortify the walls of self-doubt and self-depreciation into insurmountable obstacles. Years of trying to break these walls down take an extreme toll on person’s mind, body, and soul.
If you are trying, despite all these negative forces that are trying to bring you back into the darkness, to better yourself and your life..GOOD FOR YOU! I hope you continue to find the strength to battle through this.
Thank you. I want to help other people going through the same experience as me. In standing up for myself I am taking my power back. I have put up a lot of walls. Mostly becuase I was afraid that if people REALLY saw me, REALLY got to know me they would judge me, hate me… leave me. I now know that the people who love me will stick by me – and every one else can f*ck off! Not everyone will like everyone else. It has been a hard thing to realize but I do the best that I can. Sounds like you are making some progress as well 🙂 One day and one step at a time. XO
Let’s meet.
I don’t know you, why would I want to meet some guy that I don’t know?
You certainly are not perfect. In fact in your last long term relationship which you mention above with its “incident” in fact the REAL truth is you got caught cheating on this boyfriend/partner, not once but twice! At least. The fact that you can post all kinds of things that make you look like some innocent victim who has no idea whatsoever what pushed your boyfriend to the brink like that is just a sick pity party you have going on for yourself with NO honestly being offered as to why you found yourself in this situation.. Your a CHEATER. Apparently a habitual one. Get serious. Get a life. Own your shit and move on. Your not in ANY way an innocent “victim”. Your a cheater. Who refuses to get help (or apparently as per above comment…put what she’s claiming to have “learned” into practice) and who certainly does not own her own stuff!
I am not a cheater – I don’t know where you get that from, especially the part about cheating twice. YES. I had naked photos of an EX on my phone. That is not cheating. I have spent (and still am) seeing a therapist and attending a group of abused women. No one deserves to be hit. I found myself in this situation because my ex boyfriend is a narcissistic gaslighter. I am not a victim, nor do I want anyones pity. I am finally standing up for myself and speaking out. No body deserves to be treated the way I was treated. I am speaking out to other groups and now that my tumour has been removed I am waiting for a date to speak with Global National to share this as well. Every single one of his ex girlfriends were (in his words) crazy – I now know that should have been a red flag. Men who want to constantly blame others, and talk about the faults of their exes, are looking for sympathy. And he was also setting the tone for our relationship. Making me feel like I had to watch my step, work harder to be better than the ex. Through my counselling and therapy I have learned that it’s a form of emotional manipulation. Thank you for your email!
I left an unhealthy relationship like this in January also. You are worthy of a good man don’t let someone take your light from you, shine on! Best of luck
-Lacey
Thank you. We both do 🙂 . It took me a while to feel deserving… such a strange thing. I am in a better place now. Thank you, Lacey!
Oh my gosh, I never knew this about you. I’ve watched your show on TV and always thought that you are a strong, intelligent and independent woman. I would never have guessed that you were subject to all this abuse. I guess that is typical in the sense that it’s well hidden. Good for you to come out of the darkness! Stay strong and remember, real men don’t treat women the way you’re ex treated you. Real men call him a coward!
I have learned that most people don’t talk about the abuse. And since it is usually gradual, it is hard to miss. I am a strong independent woman – and I hope that I will be able to inspire others to take a stand. Thank you for the kind comment. It’s good to hear support from my fans. Sorry about all the re-runs – lol.
Thank you for sharing your story, i went thru the same thing with my ex boyfriend, always being told i was crazy and going so far as to push me to break bones. One thing i can say is i am not perfect but no one deserves that treatment. I am stronger now and he will not bring me down.
None of us are perfect – that is for sure! No one deserves that kind of treatment either. The emotional abuse has been the hardest part to let go of. I hear his voice in my head even when I am alone; and it wakes me from my sleep. I am stronger now, too. Thank you for the comment. Knowing that I am not alone makes it easier to deal.
This is another thank you for sharing your story. I’m a husband with a fantastic wife and four great kids, two boys and two girls. I can’t imagine how any person, man or woman that is supposed to be in a loving committed relationship could abuse the person they claim to love but as we all know (as told by your story) it happens all to often. This problem starts mostly with how the abuser is raised, seeing this pattern as they grow in a family with spousal abuse. All my children are now grown adults with young families of their own. They never witnessed abuse and now they live in a non abusive relationship. I’m sending this to you in hopes you can finally feel a release from your ex abusive partner.
You take care of yourself first and everything will sort itself out.
Wishing you and yours a very Happy New Year.
This message means more to me than I can put into words. THANK YOU. I agree with you 100%. Not all men think like you… someone I had worked with told me, “he would have hit his wife as well if she acted the way did and that its not a big deal, it was just a slap across the face.” I asked him if that is what he would tell his daughter if she was in the same situation as me. I don’t think men realize the role they play in raising daughters. I have NEVER said I am perfect, but this is not appropriate way to behave… I have ran away – lol – and have been in Mexico doing a lot of reflection. My ex has court ordered counselling and I hope that he will learn healthier ways to deal with conflict. I am in a better place. HAPPY NEW YEAR and warmest wishes to you and your family. Thank you for being a role model for your family.
Thank you for sharing. It’s sad that you’ve experienced an abusive partner. No one deserves being hit and I’m glad you got out of that situation. I’m going through a divorce now and it has been difficult but I’m feeling better as more time passes. I’m a big fan of your show and hope that you carry on with it.
SOrry I missed this comment – hope you are doing better with the divorce? The show is off the air it seems – thank you for your support.
Thank you for sharing your story. Abuse also happens within a family. I was abused when I was 6 by my older brother. I don’t remember when it quit I blocked it out. That was the way I dealt with it. I kept it to myself for 50 years and when I reported it , my sister was also a victim, I was the one who was a liar. The RCMP were involved and it ended there. Never have received an apology from my brother. There are so many different forms of abuse . Some people don’t realize how it affects people. I speak up but some people do not listen. Like you I locked it up inside, like going away and hoping it would go away. Your a strong lady and I hope everything goes well for you. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year Lacey.
THank you. You are correct – so many different types of abuse… I am glad the RCMP listened. No – most people do not listen, or do not care? THANK YOU. Hope your Christmas was wonderful and all the best for 2020.
Lacy, first up, glad you are in a healthier place and hope you find your happiness. Abuse can affect people in different ways.
All was good for a fleeting moment in my life. She had come from an abusive relationship and didn’t like me asking about it so I didn’t.
One day she sent me a text breaking up and went back to her ex boyfriend.
The point of this post was that abusers can have an effect on other people. I felt lower that dirt that I was such a dumb ass that she’d rather be with an abuser than me. Put me in a dark place for a long time. Still don’t fully understand it, but I know abusers can make you feel it’s your fault. Peace.
I had a lot of trauma from growing up that I didn’t know I had until I was older. I 100% felt like it was my fault- after he hit me I begged him to stay. Now I have learned more about myself and in a stronger place. We stay with what is familiar until we heal – and doing the work is HARD. Sorry that you felt that way… abuse has a large circle that a lot of people don’t see.