Today I am sharing three tips to help you to be happier.
I always thought that I was a happy person. Never in a million years did I think that I would be the one who googled ‘how to be happier’. But I was. I know I have had some bad days – some really shitty bad months. Despite this, underneath all the bad stuff I thought that things were ok. It seems as if I made a mistake.
Recently I had two friends comment that this is not the case. One said, he misses the old Lacey who was always dancing and carefree. The other said it seems as if I will never be content. I always seem sad or angry at something or someone.
Both of these comments hurt. A lot. These words both came from people who I love dearly and would never hurt me on purpose. For them to say these things made me sit up and take a good hard look at myself. Am I happy? If I am not, then what am I? And how can I be happier?
Abused – Broken – Hurt – Angry – Brain Tumour – Single – Scared – Anxious – Lonely
These are all things that I have been or felt over the last year. All the words I would use to describe myself over the last 12 months. None of them brings to mind images of smiles or joy of any kind. Yet it is out of these words that I have been living my life.
I am sure that most of these words resonate with you, too. Or you wouldn’t be here reading my blog. After many years of working with clients, this seems to be the foundation of all our problems. People are unhappy with work, relationship, health… life in general. We let all the bad things that have happened to me turn us into an unhappy person. Allowing small circumstances to change me in a way that was making me miserable.
And at my core – I am a happy person. In fact, all of us are. Look at young kids. Laughing, dancing and being weird; not caring who or what other people think. At some point as we grow up, we discover shame, guilt and sadness.
So what am I going to about it?
I can’t help but think of the first step in AA. Admit that I have a problem. “Hi, my name is Lacey Lee and I have been unhappy with my life for too long.” Falling into this place has been easy. So many bad things keep happening. I feel like I dig myself out of one hole just to fall into another one. Or, in sticking with a hole metaphor I feel like it keeps getting deeper and deeper. And every time I have a chance to look up, the blue sky is farther and farther away. The more I fall back into this dark place the harder it is to get out.
I used to hate it – with every inch of my core when people would tell me that I could just choose to be happy. If you have ever suffered from real depression like I have, you know that it is not that easy. Depression is like a cage that has you locked away in the dark with no chance of ever finding the key to your freedom.
I was there. Depression plagued me for a big chunk of my life and I never want to feel that again.
If you are reading this and think you are struggling with depression please reach out for more help. CLICK HERE to get help with depression in USA – CLICK HERE to find help in Canada
Feeling unhappy is like a case of the blues that just wont go away. Unlike depression, this means you still go out and live your life. Go to work, follow your daily routine and come home to your family. You are just not really feeling happy in your heart at the end of the day.
What did I do about it? What have I learned that I can share with you to live a happier life?
Simple.
#1 – CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY. All those people who I hated in the past were right. This is not depression – this is just sadness. You and only you can bring more joy into your life.
Stop being all the negative labels that you have been given in your life. Stop letting the bad things define who you are.
Simple. But not easy.
You are going to have to make a conscious effort some moments to not be sad. When it seems like the whole world is against you, close your eyes, and think happy thoughts. Trust me – this is not simple task. But the more you do it, the easier it will become.
In moments when you are feeling happy – make a mental note. What is happening? What smells, sounds, sights and other things are around you? Store these sensations in you mind for when you need them.
The smell of your baby. The smile on your partners face. The way your dog runs around in circles in your yard. Smell the fresh air and feel the warm sun on your face. It doesn’t have to be complicated. We often miss these small moments of happiness. Store these beautiful memories and keep them in your mind for when you need them.
#2 – BE GRATEFUL – No matter how bad things get, they can always get worse.
I have thrown some of the best pity parties. Abusive relationship, failed marriage, miscarriage, no job, no house… the list could go on for every. I have had to make time every single day to look at what I have. A roof over my head, a cool roommate, a great dog, a new job, my health, some solid friends, a little bit of money in the bank, cloths on my back.
I know in the dark times it is easy to focus on the hardships and disappointments. There is nothing wrong with feeling these things! Be sad, or hurt or angry but move on.
My friend of mine recently lost her son. And when we went for coffee and I hugged her I was impressed with her strength. She said some days she stays in bed and doesn’t eat. But other days she thanks god that she had 20 years with him and that when he did die, he was not in pain. She was grateful. If she could see things like this, then I definitely could.
#3 – STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. It is so easy to blame social media for this. Facebook and Instagram feed is filled with everyone else’s ‘perfect lives. But before social media was the victim it was TV and magazines. Unless you plan to go live in the middle of know where and cut yourself off from the rest of the world you won’t be able to avoid this.
If you take the time to be more grateful in your life, this part will become easier as well. Knowing that you have a good life will allow you to stop trying to be something you are not. You are awesome.
If you continue to look towards other people to set your goals and dreams – look deeper than the superficial things they share on social media. Look for things like kindness or generosity. What kinds of comparisons might actually be healthy for you? Who inspires you to live a happier life, in a way that matters most?
ACTIONABLE TASK – Get an inexpensive journal, or a binder with scrap paper. Every night before bed list 3 things that you are grateful for. And one think that brings joy to your life. While you are falling asleep think about the item that brings you joy. Maybe it is the laugh your kid makes, the way your spouse smells, a certain song, the beach. This is your happiness, so don’t let anyone tell you what works and what doesn’t.
Do this every single night. It is ok if you use the same things over and over again. Writing them down repeatedly will only help to solidify them in your head.
Life is always going throw shit balls at you. But making some small changes every day will help you life a life that is happier.
